I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
