It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
