So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Quick, to the slutcave!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A+ Viking dick
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
