nut hugger
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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