I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
