Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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