i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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