After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
