Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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