CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize