I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize