it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
