is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
