wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
