Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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