honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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