Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
