I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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