So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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