why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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