Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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