my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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