dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
