she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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