the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
