I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
