Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
