i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
