i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
