fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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