I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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