That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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