someone threw a dead crab at me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
