I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
