guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
