I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
