OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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