I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize