im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
