She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Randomize
