I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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