how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
