so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
