New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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