Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
