hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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