At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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