my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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