He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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