My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
