Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
