woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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