Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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