Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I am naked and annoyed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
