Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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