I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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