I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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