Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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