She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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