Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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