I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
