do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
