i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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