so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
