i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
