Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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