I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
