No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
